Is that you John Wayne?

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At the airport in Orange County, they know how to honor true American heroes. And if I hear anyone say that his real name is Marion, I will soundly thrash them about the head and neck. No true American heroes have girl names. Except for the girls, I guess. Betsy Ross had a girl name. And Rosa Parks. In college, I had a very good friend who kept a cardboard standee of the Duke in his living room. As we would drink beer and play videogames, we could feel his presence watching over us like a cowboy angel who just rode in off the heavenly plains. His essence washed over us, increasing our manly virility by at least 15%. Very few people even did John Wayne impressions in the presence of the cardboard cut-out because no one wants to disrespect the Duke. His spirit now watches over Orange County travelers. God Bless America.

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