Surveying the Field: A Vigilante, a P.E. Coach, some Journalists and a Dragon walk into a Bar

It doesn’t look like the Gods of Hollywood are bestowing much bounty on us this weekend. There’s nothing in this scouting report that truly motivates me to shell out for a movie ticket. Here’s what they are foisting upon us this week, in order of the likelihood of me watching:

No Way in Hell: Dragon Wars (or, more annoyingly) D-War

Dragon Wars: D War Big CGI Lizard

As near as I can understand it, this little gem comes to us from Korea (not the bugfuck crazy one, the southern one) but it features a bunch of American actors speaking English. It’s about ancient dragons that apparently have some sort of war. I’m not sure how the SciFi Channel let this one slip from the Saturday night lineup but I do not feel the need to watch ludicrous CGI lizards flying around the modern world. I didn’t like it in Reign of Fire, and I don’t think I’d like it here.

Probably Not Even on DVD: The Brave One

The Brave One Jodie Foster

I have no burning desire to watch Clarice Starling go all Deathwish and waste some no good punks like Ol’ Charlie Bronson. Foster plays a character whose fiance is attacked and killed, forcing her to pack some heat and show the criminals what street justice is. What’s the deal with all the revenge movies coming out right now? I have a rule against seeing movies that come out in matched pairs. I saw neither Armageddon nor Deep Impact. Neither Volcano nor Dante’s Peak. Neither Red Planet nor Mission to Mars. Neither the recent Kevin Bacon movie Death Sentence, nor this movie.

Maybe… But Probably Waiting for HBO: Mr. Woodcock

Mr. Woodcock Billy Bob Thornton

This movie just doesn’t seem like it would be all that funny. I enjoy Billy Bob Thornton, and can stomach Seann William Scott, despite the inexplicably redundant spelling of his first name. Here he plays a self-help guru who must deal with his mother dating his antagonistic old gym coach. But I get a vibe from the previews that this will be a middle of the road comedy at best. Sometimes that’s all you need, though. Maybe it’s because I’ve known too many coaches in time to find the humor in this slanderous portrayal of the profession. All my coaches were upstanding men of fortitude, and unparalleled whistle-skills.

The Most Likely: The Hunting Party

the hunting party movie richard gere

I hear good things about this movie, but I’m not entirely convinced although I like the idea behind it. I don’t know if it qualifies as a war movie, but I think there is some fertile ground in the Balkan conflict. My reservations come from the inconsistency of the trailers I’ve seen. Some have played up the free-wheeling comedy of the film, going for a kind of Three Kings feel. But I’ve also seen a few that are cut to make it look like a serious issue kind of thing. I’m not saying that the approaches are incompatible, but the tone of the trailers varies wildly from one to the next and that makes me think the film might do the same. I ordinarily find that jarring. But I might just give it a chance.

2 Comments on "Surveying the Field: A Vigilante, a P.E. Coach, some Journalists and a Dragon walk into a Bar"

  • Uh, no Eastern Promises for you this weekend? I figured you’d be all over that one especially given the advance word on some crazy knife fight. Plus it’s Cronenberg and not to be missed.

  • Oh crap. I totally thought that came out next weekend. I keep forgetting that I live in one of those “select cities” where I can actually watch movies in limited release. Hell Yeah, I’ll be all over that. Cronenberg always makes me feel delightfully icky and I thought A History of Violence was the best movie to come out in 2005.

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