The Stupidest Terrorists in the World

With the success of the Transformers movie, it seems quite likely that other 80s toy properties will find their way to the big screen. G.I. Joe seems like ti could be at the top of the list. Despite the fact that no one ever died, even in jet airplane explosions, this was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid. Something else that always kind of bothered me was the way that Cobra would try an insane plan that made zero sense to rational human beings, like tying chainsaws to cats or something. Then their retarded plan would almost work, except for one little problem that enabled the Joes to triumph by using mice to distract the cats. Then, in the next episode Cobra would come up with a completely new bat-shit crazy plan instead of refining their attempt by using dogs or something. I realize that it would not have made for great Saturday morning television, but from a resource allocation perspective, it would have made way more sense for Cobra.

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I realize you might be thinking that I spend way too much time thinking about this stuff. You’re probably right, but I don’t spend anywhere near as much time as Zack Parsons over at Something Awful. Thank god for that. He looks at what went wrong with Cobra operations at the strategic, tactical, and logistical level in his Cobra After-Action Report. If only Destro would have cc’ed Cobra Commander on one of these things we might be living in a very different cartoon society.

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